A Note of Thanks

Photo by  Elijah O'Donell  on  Unsplash I've fallen out of a lot of habits so far this year. My weekly thank you note is one that I'm barely clinging on to. Every time that alarm goes off, excuses appear like the dust bunnies that manage to evade the broom every time I clean the kitchen. I didn't even know they were there, hiding deep in the corners, but they clutter up my thoughts. I don't have time right now. I sent a note to that person a few weeks ago. It would be weird if she got another card. I'm out of stamps. I don't have a small gift. The note is not worth it on its own. When I'm not practicing gratitude regularly, I forget that many times, these thank you notes are less for the person receiving it and more about recognizing the wonderful people in my life. I also forget that these notes might bring a bit of light to an otherwise dark day. That person crossed my mind for a reason -- possibly because of something they need to hear ...

Conversation by Valery Kenski found on Flickr CC BY  When meeting someone for the first time, it's easy to fall back on the standard small talk questions: What do you do? Where are you from? What are your hobbies? While that is good information to know, when you ask more interesting questions, the conversation becomes more authentic. When you ask interesting questions, you typically get interesting answers. When you get interesting answers, you don't have to force the small talk. The conversation flows more easily and is more memorable for both of you, making your follow-up notes easier to write. Here are a few of my favorite questions when I'm meeting someone for the first time. What excites you? It doesn't matter what they say. Self-driving cars. Sustainable living. Balloon animals. Whatever it is, it shows me that there is something out there that lights them up. Something that sparks curiosity. When you find their spark, you have a conversation topic tha...

Photo courtesy of Peter Hershey on Unsplash CC 0 Next time you tie your shoes, slow down and really watch your fingers move. See how complex the movements are just to get your shoes to stay on your feet. And you do that without even thinking. How many times a day do you disparage yourself? Feel like you aren't good enough. Like you should have done better. Known better. Do you do it so often you don't even realize you are doing it? And yet, you do so many things each day that makes other people's lives better and makes the world better. You tip the waiter. You serve your clients with empathy. You smile and hold the door for someone. These things may seem small to you, but they can make the difference in someone's day. How many times each year do you surprise yourself by doing something you didn't think you were capable of? Running that extra mile? Successfully completing that difficult project? Starting that side business that's been bouncing ...

My son is 15 years old. It's a strange age. He is starting to look like an adult. The discussions we have are like talking with an adult, albeit with slightly less life experience. I trust him to cook for himself on occasion and not burn the house down. And yet, at 15, there are so many concerns that seem to hit teenagers harder than most adults. Am I smart enough? Do I look good enough? Am I funny enough? Do people like me? Most people need reminders of the things they do well. It's hard to see when it's something that is part of you and you do it every day. This is even more true for the students in your life. They are wrestling with worries about their future as well as their present. Finals. College entrance exams. Scholarship essays. Scholarship rejection letters. Instagram vacation pictures. Snapchat snide comments. Athletic personal records that surpass theirs. So many ways to feel like they are not enough. And yet, they are still studying. Still trying. Still ac...

Treasure Map, Ahoy! by Ted Major on Flickr CC BY SA The comfort zone is rarely comfortable. Especially if you know there is more out there. Sure, in the comfort zone you know what to expect. There are few surprises. But it's more familiar. Easy. Default. Not really comfortable. I've been planning for the past 18 years to leave Columbia, MO. It's a nice place to live, sure. But it's familiar. Very few surprises. I know there is more out there. But each time I start to think that maybe this is the time, something happens that I let derail me. I take comfort in the default. In few surprises. What I let derail me were excuses. Yes, it would have been harder to move somewhere else when my son was a baby. Yes, I might not have gotten a good job right away. Or I might have gotten a better one. I talked myself out of the unfamiliar and stayed with what was safe. A few months ago, I was traveling with a co-worker to visit schools in Texas. "I love it here," ...

She's a perfectionist. She wants to know how all the pieces fit together before she gets started on the puzzle. She is also a little introverted, not wanting to cause issues and definitely not interested in presenting in front of groups -- clients or peers. For some, she can be a little frustrating -- the person who asks the detailed questions before the process has been fully hashed out. For some, she seems like an anchor, not interested in changing her well-defined method. But as it turns out, she just needs a little time and a better understanding of the reason why. I first recognized there was more to Deb when she asked me to show her around LinkedIn and help her get a profile started. She had several clients reach out to connect with her on the networking platform, so she saw the benefit. She just needed a little help understanding how it all worked. I explained the overall platform, showed her a few profiles I thought were well done and went through the privacy settings ...

Day 148: The End of the Line by Bruce Guenter on Flickr CC BY Have you ever found an amazing TED talk that just blows your mind, but when you start sharing it, you realize everyone has already seen it? That's how I feel after learning about InCoWriMo. I've known about NaNoWriMo for awhile, thanks to a bumper sticker I saw a few years ago and was so perplexed by the acronym that I had to look it up. But as a hand-written note fan, I'm a little disappointed that InCoWriMo is celebrating their fifth anniversary and I'm just now hearing about it. What is InCoWriMo? International Correspondence Writing Month is dedicated to writing letters by hand. One letter a day for the 28 days of February. Their website , tagged vintage social media, provides more information. The goal is to write something that will be delivered to someone else. A letter. A note. A postcard. It doesn't even have to be mailed. With a nod to More Love Letters , it can be as simple as...

Small by Jh.44 CC BY on Flickr In proof once again that pronoia is a thing, I stumbled upon  Adam Rifkin's amazing post on the meaning of happiness. It's long, but awesome. You should read it. His list of five-minute favors really spoke to me. In this time of societal upheaval and uncertainty, my initial instinct is to put my head in the sand and wait for someone else to fix it. But I know that won't work. Even so, I've never been an outspoken person. I stopped wanting to do anything with politics after I lost the election for Class Secretary in 6th grade. I've never been to a protest or called my senator. While it never even crossed my mind to jump on a plane to join the Women's Marches in DC and other places, I watched with mad respect for all the people there sharing their voices. But that's not me. I have to remember that it's okay to start small. There are people around me who need an act of kindness, and those small acts help others feel...

Bubble by zacktionman on Flickr CC BY NC Empathy is a strange thing. It's difficult to truly put yourself into someone else's situation until you really know that person. Until that situation has a face. A voice. A smile. It's one thing to see the ASPCA ads with the Sarah McLauchlin song in the background. It's completely different to fall in love at first wag with a pound puppy. In my bubble of Midwestern, white, fully employed, fully insured optimism, it's not always easy to do more than sympathize with the struggles of so many. Fears of medical bills that make care unattainable. Fears that ignorant comments about skin color, religion or sexual preference become acceptable and not called out for their blindness. Fears that my family will be torn apart simply because the country they were born in is on a list. This is when I rely on the people I actively add to my life through social media and through real life connections. I need to hear the stories of pe...

Time by Stefanos Papachristou on Flickr CC BY NC I used to work at a bank where birthday and work anniversary notes from executives were part of the company culture. Even with about 350 people on staff, the executives made a point to know everyone who worked there. During my seven years at the company, I did informational interviews like mad. At least once a month, I picked up the tab for lunch to learn from someone I admired. Pretty much every executive at that organization made time for me at least once. I'm sure they weren't in it for the free lunch. These informational interviews provided me insight into everything from identifying skill sets to working to get myself into the right place at the right time. I've done a few interviews periodically since leaving that company with other people but short of an occasional LinkedIn update, I had lost touch with those executives. During the holiday rush, I ran into one of them at Target. That casual "hello" i...

Life Preserver by Petteri Sulonenen Flickr CC BY There are some people who will help everyone. With anything. Your garbage disposal went out? He buys them in bulk for his rental properties and can get you one cheaper than you can buy one. Need someone to fill in with a presentation for someone who dropped out? He says he can put something together quickly, no problem.  Everyone likes having givers around. They are typically kind people, looking out for others. They are the first to lend a hand or an ear when a co-worker has an issue. While givers tend to be positive people, it can also be easy for givers to absorb other emotions from people who aren't so positive.  It's been a busy couple months around the office. In the fall, we talk with every one of our partner schools. We have about two weeks of downtime while schools are on holiday break while we do follow-up from the partnership reviews, and then we start right back into January term starts. ...

Flame by Annie Roi via Flickr CC BY The textbook industry is pretty cyclical. For the past few months, our department has been climbing the hill of adoptions and estimated enrollments. And August has been the screaming, downhill plunge of student orders and last minute changes. Despite checklists, reminders and careful planning, things don't go quite right. Constant phone calls. Flooded inboxes. Welcome to rush. It's hard to keep a smile and a positive attitude when it seems every voice mail starts a new fire. As soon as one problem is resolved, three more are hurtled through the interwebs. And yet, she does. She's been through enough rushes to know this is how it is. That a complaint is a chance to turn a problem into a solution. That it will slow down. Things will work the way they are supposed to or we will figure out a different way. It will get done. Sometimes it's just as important to thank someone for who they are as it is for things they do. When every...

This is my dog, Shiloh. She would very much like to smell you. There comes a time in every child's life when they realize if they have money, they can buy the things they want. Then comes the persistent pursuit of money. The joy of the stray penny on the ground. The countdown to holidays. Perhaps even graduating to extra chores for an additional dollar or two. With age comes responsibility and the desire for clothes not from Target. And while the willingness for the extra jobs to pay for Gap jeans and Jordans might be strong, the organizational skills and work ethic may still need a little molding. I travel regularly for work. This is something I enjoy. It is not something my dog enjoys. My cat, however, seems to be indifferent. There is a young lady, about 12, who I hire to check in with my animals to make sure they get food and attention and cause minimal destruction to my house while I'm away. She lives down the street and her parents are family friends. While the dau...

Voice by Daniel Gasienica CC BY NC ND People share for a number of reasons. They are paid to share. They have a perspective no one else has. They want to keep in touch with a fellow group of thinkers. They need a place to organize their ideas. They share to give a voice to their thoughts. What they may not realize is that they are giving a voice to other's thoughts as well. I've loved words for as long as I can remember. I love seeing letters evolve into words that in turn create ideas. And yet, I've found myself without words recently. I find that when I want to talk about violence, about hate, about disparity, I have to rely on other's words. Their words help me make sense of the questions and the fear that haven't yet formed words in my head. Blogs from educators, Twitter feeds from administrators and Instagram posts from friends who talk about action through kindness, explanations through understanding, recognition of problems without blame. These are...

Yes by Kai Friis on Flickr CC BY NC SA In my role as a trainer, I push people. I push them to think differently. To develop new skill sets and try new tools. To do things that aren't always comfortable. It's so easy to stay where it's nice and warm and everyone smiles politely at us. As a natural introvert, there are days when a life of monotonous data entry sounds about perfect. But ask any teacher, any parent or any boss who encouraged someone to try something new. That's when you see growth. That's when you see potential. Oftentimes, that's when the fun begins. The training program I oversee has a number of knowledge-based quizzes and courses to make sure everyone has similar levels of content understanding. Boring, but necessary. It also has a number of opportunities for my co-workers to step away from their inbox and try something brand new. These are my favorite. I never know what I'm going to get. One of these opportunities is called The More...

Bridge by Mariano Martel, from Flickr CC BY NC It was one of those huge conference parties. The kind where the free drink tickets draw the cost-conscious and the alcohol-minded. It was an effort in networking. One of those torturous skills that, if you aren't born knowing how to do it, the only way to get better is by doing more of it. Which basically meant my fake smile did not disguise the eyes of a cornered badger. One person took pity on me. Either he recognized the look of barely concealed terror or he was just being polite, I'm not sure. He introduced himself as Steve , a game-design teacher at a middle school in New Jersey. Steve never came off as creepy, the way I often do when I introduce myself for the first time. He seemed genuinely interested in what I did and the company I worked for. And when the conversation naturally lulled, we exchanged business cards and went our separate ways like it was no big deal. Two years, many Twitter chats and in-person hugs ...

I like to pretend I'm perfect. I'm actually quite good at hiding my unorganized, not-detail-oriented and spacey personality under layers of to-do lists, self-help articles and processes that double check me (watch for my forthcoming ode to spell check). I'm not sure where this perfectionism comes from. My boss understands when mistakes happen. My parents let me fail a few (hundred) times. I have found that I'm better at embracing my foibles now than I was even a few years ago. So maybe perfectionism erodes like my youthful glow and size 8 pants. Despite my layers and processes and perfected wheels-turning-so-please-don't-ask-me-a-question facial expression, I sometimes let my alter ego show. A forgotten attachment here. A misremembered fact there. If I'm lucky, I can keep it internal and just chalk it up to another reason not to kick the caffeine addiction just yet. By the time I launch a new training course, I've spent dozens of hours staring at the...

For the first time in the long time, I struggled to write my thank you note this week. Sometimes I need to review my calendar for the past few days to nudge my colander-like brain because there is always someone to thank. Always someone who has gone out of their way to help, or just is awesome and needs to be reminded. This week I struggled because there wasn't one big thing. There were so many little things. So many people who didn't have to be asked twice. People who responded quickly. People who didn't hesitate to lend a hand or offer their advice. It's so easy to take these small acts of kindness for granted, in others and in ourselves. The person who holds the door so you don't have to dig for your key card. The person who brings a cart so you don't have to haul all the crap you've accumulated at your desk over the past two years box-by-box to your new cube down the hall. The person who didn't laugh (out loud) when you accidentally ran the c...

There are people in every office who you are less than excited to work with. People who aren't annoying enough to get fired, but missing just enough common sense, people skills or just plain old manners to make you want to hide their office chair from time to time. If you work in an open office, please, for the love of Pete, please do not eat hot french fries at your desk. Depending on the diet I'm on at the moment, I cannot guarantee your safety. Do not be that person. This post is not about those people. This post is about the other types of people. The people who know all the right people to talk to, or the hidden key stroke in the decades-old program that makes magic happen. The people who never make you feel like your stupid question is a stupid question, and take the time to answer it even though they are already incredibly busy. These are the unsung heroes of any organization. The people who are somewhere on the middle rungs but whose business card should say, ...

This past week was filled with tributes to two creative and inspiring people. Tributes by people those two had never met, and yet had touched their lives in ways the artists couldn't have imagined. While The Goblin King was a key character in my childhood and, like all good Harry Potter fans, I had a love/hate relationship with Severus Snape, I did not know the depths of the creative talent we lost last week like many others did. Here are two tributes from my reading list: The Bloggess: I Can't Erika Napoletano: A Heart Broken in Two Places   David Bowie and Alan Rickman provided meaning and direction to two of the writers I most look forward to reading when slogging through my Feedly each day. These two missives were moving to me not only because of how heartfelt they were, but also because of how they weren't able to say these words to these people while the inspirations were still alive. Undoubtedly, people like David Bowie and Alan Rickman receive busloa...