I've been thinking about labels a lot lately and the comfort they provide us as humans. There are the big ones -- smart, handicapped, athletic, poor -- and the subsequent effort not to apply those labels to others, especially those I haven't met. Because I recognize labels are minimizing, looking at another through a narrow lens and not seeing the whole, or worse, seeing a trait completely out of context. It denies the opportunity for growth.
But what about the small labels, the boxes we put ourselves in to help us understand why we act a certain way or get anxious in certain situations? Extrovert. Poor public speaker. Picky eater. Often, I feel I need some labels to help make sense of me. To categorize my emotions and take comfort in the fact that there are others who align themselves with similar labels.
For the most part, these labels give me a place to start for professional development. Okay, I don't speak well in public. That's a skill I need so I submit proposals and volunteer to lead training. I can make concerted efforts to change my behavior knowing what comes naturally.
The label I've been stuck on lately is "socially awkward." I am not comfortable in social situations. I say the wrong things. The right things to do don't come naturally. I still cringe when I think about the time in high school when I was selected to participate in a leadership group. When I walked up to the stage to be recognized, the group leader put her hand out for me to shake. I looked at it and walked on by. Not because I had anything against this person or that I had never shaken hands before. It just didn't click. And it made me look rude and insensitive, and I'm sure the woman felt, at bare minimum, slighted.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy social situations. I enjoy people. I enjoy watching social dynamics. At a wedding a few years ago where I was a bridesmaid, I took a break from dancing at the reception and sat at an empty table, surveying the scene. This made a fellow bridesmaid so uncomfortable, she insisted I come sit with her, her husband and several other people I didn't know or had just met hours before. I didn't feel awkward before but I did at that crowded table.
But my social ineptitude and preference for the fringe do make other people uncomfortable. I play on two softball teams. I always sit at the far end of the dugout and rarely engage in personal conversation. Not because I dislike my teammates -- quite the opposite actually. Both teams are full of fascinating personalities. Especially when you add beer and competition. I don't mean to come off as aloof or worse, as though I don't like people.
So what I'm trying to reconcile in my brain is, do I use this label "socially awkward" as an excuse for not beating myself up when someone thanks me for holding the door and I say "thank you" right back? Do I use it as a way to name my shortcomings and therefore have a starting point for changing those and being a better person? Is it a bad thing that I have that label? As someone who tries not to label other people, am I a hypocrite for having labels for myself?
The label I've been stuck on lately is "socially awkward." I am not comfortable in social situations. I say the wrong things. The right things to do don't come naturally. I still cringe when I think about the time in high school when I was selected to participate in a leadership group. When I walked up to the stage to be recognized, the group leader put her hand out for me to shake. I looked at it and walked on by. Not because I had anything against this person or that I had never shaken hands before. It just didn't click. And it made me look rude and insensitive, and I'm sure the woman felt, at bare minimum, slighted.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy social situations. I enjoy people. I enjoy watching social dynamics. At a wedding a few years ago where I was a bridesmaid, I took a break from dancing at the reception and sat at an empty table, surveying the scene. This made a fellow bridesmaid so uncomfortable, she insisted I come sit with her, her husband and several other people I didn't know or had just met hours before. I didn't feel awkward before but I did at that crowded table.
But my social ineptitude and preference for the fringe do make other people uncomfortable. I play on two softball teams. I always sit at the far end of the dugout and rarely engage in personal conversation. Not because I dislike my teammates -- quite the opposite actually. Both teams are full of fascinating personalities. Especially when you add beer and competition. I don't mean to come off as aloof or worse, as though I don't like people.
So what I'm trying to reconcile in my brain is, do I use this label "socially awkward" as an excuse for not beating myself up when someone thanks me for holding the door and I say "thank you" right back? Do I use it as a way to name my shortcomings and therefore have a starting point for changing those and being a better person? Is it a bad thing that I have that label? As someone who tries not to label other people, am I a hypocrite for having labels for myself?
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